Where Is She

It's odd. Surnia's spirit doesn't seem to be around. I'd think someone who was brutally murdered would become a ghost. Usually do. But she's nowhere.

Cold

It's getting so cold out. My hands hurt like hell. I've been wrapping them with wool under my gauntlets. But it's not just the cold in Northrend. It's cold in Silvermoon, it's cold in Thunder Bluff. Some days, I can barely get them in my gauntlets. I had to get bigger ones, so they'd fit on, especially when I wrap them up. I also made sure i got locking ones, so I don't have to worry about holding the hilt. The shield I just strap to my arm, like always, so my right hand doesn't usually hurt as much as the left. I haven't been writing lately, because half the time, I can't hold a pen. Luckily, my friend's cousin's daughter, Sara, got me a pair of fingerless gloves. She knows about the importance of having gloves for different situations.

Cousin's daughter. What is that, first-once-removed? I've never really thought about that sort of thing. She's called me Aunt Ten for awhile now, though. I've known her since she was a child, when I was training Araenna in the finer points of the healing arts. It's so odd, having family. And having them be people I already know. And one of them being Tomah's ex. That I kinda stole him from.. At least she always liked me, and still does. I haven't seen her in forever. I hope she's doing well..

The whelps try to help, with the keeping my hands warm. They take turns warming up hot water bottles, and rocks, and keep them near my hands. It's rather sweet, really. I think Atra came up with it, oddly enough. He's the only whelp not talking now. In fact, the other ones are doing fairly well with common. I think he understands it. I'm thinking I should take him to Wyrmrest, see if there's some sort of healer-dragon, who can make sure he can talk.

A Faire member was killed. It was either the person who killed Ona-whatsist, or a copycat. I dunno which, but I'm certainly not staying the night at the grounds anymore.

That Time of Yeah

It's getting cooler out. I need to buy a new pair of gloves. The cold always settles in my hands. I put the lute away, somewhere warm. I won't be playing again for awhile. It hurts to write, even. I need to dig out my chain for my sword. I don't want to drop it. Thank goodness that my shield is always strapped on. I don't know how I'd hold it otherwise.

Tomahna didn't notice any of these things last year. He didn't know. I wonder if he'll notice now? He always feels so guilty. I don't want him to notice. I get so sick of him feeling bad. I want him to treat me the way he does because he loves me, not because he feels bad.

I mean, he never meant to cripple me like this for life. He didn't know I was going to live..

Sick

I think I'm sick. Which is weird, because I don't get sick. Tomah made me some tea, though, and that helped a bit. Even if it tasted horrible. I'm taking a bit of a break from northrend. Tomah says it's probably the stress from being there. Even though we've blocked any strange dreams or whispers out, there's still all the ghosts and stuff. He's probably right.

Dem Bones

I found bones. A dragon in the Emerald Dragonshrine let me have hers. Said she was a relative of Tynera's, and so I could have them. They seem to work. Kinda. It's hard to read them. It's odd not just walking up to a ghost or something, and asking them a question outright. At least this seems to get answers consistently, even if they're vague sometimes.

Tomah asked something about swordplay. I think he wants to learn to use one. I'm going to start to teach him soon. I've been teaching him some other things, when we spend time in Stormwind. Oh, shit, Stormwind, what time is it? I have to be going. Damn it..

Life and Death

Everywhere, there is movement. I can feel it, when my bare feet touch the ground. People are moving, things are happening.

Here and there things happen. A person dies, another is accused. A person cries, and someone rejoices. It happens, always. They're always happening.

In a forest, something stirs. On a throne, someone weeps. Underground, something whispers. In a town, someone rejoices.

Things are happening all the time, and I can feel it in my bones. I hear so many more whispers, things alive and dead both speaking. What do they say? The noise is maddening at times. I block it out, and the silence becomes deafening.

Onawataya is crying, but she won't speak. She doesn't hear or see me. Aren't the dead supposed to be the noes trying to be seen? Why is it me that can't be seen when I want to be seen, and cannot hide when I do not?

Since when does one hear the dead and the living at once?

Dreams of Fire II

Many words are bolded, some seeming for emphasis, and some almost randomly. All look like they've been gone over many times. In some spots, the paper is slightly torn from the ink saturation and pressure of the pen.

I don't like these dreams. Tomah can't keep them completely away. I've never had them like this. It's always been the Light, guiding me. Or at least.. I thought it was.. What if I'm wrong? What if it's been something else this whole time? And now it's showing me this?

No, no. This is not the same. It's different. These visions don't compulse me, just.. show me. But they're contradictory! At first I thought it was just Tomahna's influence, but no. Some of the visions, they show a desolate, destroyed place. Nothing but rocks and burnt things. Others, though, show life. So much life. There is Green everywhere, more so than there even is now. Almost no sign of humanoid life. It's beautiful, but.. there's something eerie about it. I don't know if it's the obvious lack of humanoid influence, or something else.

And the visions! They're so large! I can see so much, so many things.. I can't describe it, I can't even remember it properly.. Tomahna can't see that, just what's right there, where he is. He can make them stop, make them go away, but.. Never completely. He worries. I.. not as much. These visions don't ask anything of me. They just show me. I just wish I knew what I was looking at. And who is showing them to me.

Dreams of Fire

Destruction. Fire. The whole world burns. Spirits scream, then fall silent. Everything is silent. No whisper of wind, no wail from the distance. No rustle of leaves. No smell of Green. No smell of Other. Just silence, and nothingness. As the world was, and as it should be. A lone figure lies on the barren ground. It is an elf one moment, but seems more human the next. Then, it is a dragon, scales dull and grey. The ever changing figure lies still, and silently. It sleeps deeply, the silence, the lack of scents, the lack of anything, allowing it to truly sleep for the first time. The silence continues, and the figure sleeps on.

Te'Nala's eyes snap open. Her ears perk, and rotate, listening for sounds. Her nose scrunches. There, the smell of Green from Tomah, the sound of his breathing. The wail of a far off spirit. A dream, just a dream.. What does it mean?She silently stares at the ceiling. He said any of my dreams would be my own. But that didn't feel like my own.. Should I wake him?She watches him sleeping, and sighs. No use waking him now.. I'll tell him in the morning..

Te'Nala snuggles again her large husband, and soon loses herself to the land of dreams once more.

But Home is So Warm..

I have to return to Northrend. I've been putting it off for far too long. I am needed up there, and I can't forsake my duties. It's hard, though, to be in Northrend. It's like the entire continent screams, the voices of the dead drown out everything else. And slowly, the spirits begin to close in on those that they know can hear them, begging them, or taunting, threatening, or just following, not even knowing why.. The dragons, so many of them. It's almost worse than the humanoids, and such. It's so hard to ignore them.

But I have meditated for the last few days. The Light will protect me, will keep them from seeing me. And will keep me from hearing them. I hope it will. I have faith, I have to.

I don't want to go.

The Lunatic's Den

Astenya was put on trial for killing some jerk who Lindiwe was a whore with. Tomahna turned the tables, and tried to put Lindiwe on trial. It was rather clever, and I think people will take him more seriously. Vileblossom warned him that he could get killed for it, or something. While I do worry people will see him as more of a threat now, I'm not worried. I mean, I've seen him survive a hell of a lot. And avoid even worse. And if he doesn't survive something, I'd like to meet the person who can keep a soul away from me. Well, I mean, I'm sure like, Elune or the Lich King could. But I don't think he's pissed off anyone on speaking terms with them, so I should be able to keep him alive or ... whatever I need to do. I bet *a crossed out 'Ll'* Tynera could help me put his soul into a tree, or something; make him an elemental..
Oh! Oh, oh oh. Right. Tynera. Llilith was apparently not only not dead, but a relative of mine. She found Tomah, and they talked about things, and we met again last night. She told me some things I wouldn't believe normally. But she was obviously telling the truth about herself, and as for me.. It fits. The Dream, the Nightmare, the damned Whelps. It fits. And.. I suppose it doesn't do imuch. I mean, I may have a Connection, but no more actual natural talent than Tomah. Well, a lot less, since it took so long to manifest. Hell, his manifested even though it was rare amongst his kind at the time. And half-elves are a bit notorious for being the only kind of non'kal'dorei elves to become druids. So really, I guess in the long run, it doesn't matter.
Well, having family matters, I suppose. Not in the "Oh, after all these years, I learn Llilith was related to me, and I may have other living family" way, but in the "The woman I love and raised me is alive, and has been watching over me." way. I never cared if we were blood. She raised me, and I love her.
So, anywho. Lindiwe is a whore, and Lindiwe and Astenya both need to stop being idiots. Life is so short. I can't believe this is how they want to spend it.

A Wedding

Farikess is annoying. She refused to leave during the ceremony, darting and flipping around the whole while. I think Ysmira is a very bad influence on her. Why can't she be more like Murigos? Or hell, even Jo-Jo, bless her dumb little heart? And why do these dragon whelps have to keep deciding I'm their damn mother! Stupid.. dragons..
*The rest of the page is taken up with drawings of her whelps, and two drakes. There are a few scribbled, illegible notes*

Crippled

How was I supposed to know that he didn't know? He's seen me play the lute.. but.. I suppose he wouldn't know how well I could play before, or really anything about it.. But still,. I mean, I can barely hold a dagger properly, how could he not know?
He can't read my mind. But I wish like mad I never had to tell him that. I wish he never recognized me. I don't care that I then recognized him. I only care that he lives with that pain, that knowledge of what he did to me, every day. I can't stand him feeling like that.
And no matter what he says, I can't help but wonder if everything he does for me, is some sort of apology, is trying to make it up to me.

Bleeding Out?

I'm sitting up against a tree in the middle of nowhere. I'm still wearing my dress; it's soaked from the rain. I don't know what happened to my shoes. I can't feel my toes anymore. I don't even have the light my eyes cast to see by, because they haven't begun to glow again since I had my surgery. And I've tried. I could cast something, but I can't waste my resources on that. So I'm writing in the dark, on damp paper, with a pen that was snapped in half. I'm not even sure the ink is sticking to the page. Why am I even writing right now? I should be trying to get home. But I can't. I need to sit. I need to think.
Why is it me? I can remember being little, and this happening. I remember that Llilith didn't believe me at first. She thought I just had a vivid imagination. Until one day I was able to prove it. They way I did.. I wish it hadn't been like that. I wish.. I barely even remember it now, except the boy. I can't remember what he looked like when he was alive. But I remember him, lying on the ground, the blood...
She believed me then. She told me not to tell people. That I could get in trouble. I wasn't sure why. But now I know. She was protecting me. "Getting in trouble" is putting it lightly. Back then... Things weren't the same. I say this like I'm so old. It's amazing how things change, though. Look at the elves, working with trolls and orcs. Humans and space goats..
Space goats? What am I rambling about? I need to get home, Tomah.. Damn, he won't be home. He'll be looking for me. I need to stay put. I need to let him sniff me out. It shouldn't be that hard. It isn't like this is the first time he's had to do it.

Damn Darkmoons

Well, I was apparently poisoned by the Darkmoon Faire. I'm a bit surprised, but not too much. I had some memory troubles, and for a time, thought it was just after the baby again. I have been thinking about things a lot. My name, my age, Llilith.. my real family. I don't know so much. I'm thinking about trying to contact Llilith's ghost again. It's never worked before, but.. Perhaps Sazuul can help me? I just don't know anymore..
Owakeri was injured, and I let him get away twice. I'm not as worried now as I was last night. I can't believe we wouldn't have heard something if something had happened to him last night after he left. I got rather mad at the time, though, and broke Tomahna's foot. I felt terrible after. He, of course, has already forgiven me. It's rather unfair, that he seems to think that I can never do worse than he's done to me. I don't know. I don't understand how he can put up with me.
Tomahna offered to share his name with me. His mother's name, Darkhorn. It doesn't seem right to take the name of a Grimtotem like that. I suppose that makes no sense, I am marrying one..

Proposal

Tomahna proposed to me. I wasn't surprised, since we'd discussed it recently. Well, I was surprised that it happened so soon. I still can't believe that ring. It's huge! I've never owned anything like it before. Esis said that we should make Owakeri pay for the wedding, and I think that would be a great idea. I have no idea for a when for it, though. Maybe Tomah has some plan?